4 words: hood of his car
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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