did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
