just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
