We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
