she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
