My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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