Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
