I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
