I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
