So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
