I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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