TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
