Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
