I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
