I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
