then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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