My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
