I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i need some magic done to my vagina
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
