We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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