It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It was confusing and full of hummus
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize