so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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