dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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