No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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