man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
