Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
