Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
please come you make the beer taste better
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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