i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
