i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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