I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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