Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
