Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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