Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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