How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
