so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
