On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Randomize
