I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Your penis caused this!
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