I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
