Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
