Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
