I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
