i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Be still, my beating vagina.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
