It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
