She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You're like the curious george of whores
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
