My friends, they love my intelligence
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
