If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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