are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
