Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
