I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
