When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
