I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
